The Lesson of the Second Year of Life: Who is in Charge Here?

In previous episodes, we talked about the attachment cycle and how infants are created to have their needs met by predictable safe adults which builds an infant brain wired for connection. We also recognized that children who have histories of trauma, likely didn't get that and likely developed brains wired for protection instead. But the harm likely didn't end in infancy. 

The lesson of the second year of life is, "Who is in charge here?" and the answer should be, a regulated safe adult that balances structure and nurture to build a brain that responds well to authority and has resiliency as they face the demands of this broken world. 

But again. That is likely not the story of our children. 

In this conversation we revisit the idea that stress chemicals cross the placenta and enter the baby, changing their neurochemistry, before they even enter our world. Then we explore typical child development during the toddler years and the consequences of a young child who is met either with passivity or aggression by the adult in charge. 

When a young child isn't met with a safe caregiver on duty, the answer to "Who is in charge here?" becomes, "I am."

 

Episode references:

TBRI Animate: Toxic Stress: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTcFTpGve4g

Connected Child Book, Chapter 2: https://www.amazon.com/Connected-Child-healing-adoptive-family/dp/0071475001 

What Happened to You?: https://www.amazon.com/What-Happened-You-Understanding-Resilience/dp/1250223180 

 

Regulation Podcast Series Parts 1-8: 

Awareness Brings Empathy-Part 1: https://therestorenetwork.podbean.com/e/supporting-regulation-awareness-brings-empathy/

Identifying the Stress Response-Part 2: https://therestorenetwork.podbean.com/e/supporting-regulation-identifying-the-stress-response/

Identifying Triggers-Part 3: https://therestorenetwork.podbean.com/e/supporting-regulation-identifying-triggers/ 

Making a Safety Plan for your Whole Family-Part 4: https://therestorenetwork.podbean.com/e/supporting-regulation-making-a-safety-plan-for-your-whole-family/ 

Taking Care of Your Own Nervous System-Part 5: https://therestorenetwork.podbean.com/e/supporting-regulation-taking-care-of-your-own-nervous-system/

Proactive Strategies-Part 6: https://therestorenetwork.podbean.com/e/proactive-strategies-for-supporting-regulation-part-6/

Keeping Behaviors Low & Returning to Calm-Part 7: https://therestorenetwork.podbean.com/e/supporting-regulation-keeping-behaviors-low-returning-to-calm/

When Behaviors are Scary & Where to Get Help-Part 8: https://therestorenetwork.podbean.com/e/supporting-regulation-when-behaviors-are-scary-and-where-to-get-help/