Meeting Our Kids Where They’re At: Developmental vs. Chronological Age

Have you ever thought, why doesn't this child act his age? Have you ever been confused by behaviors coming from your older youth that you'd expect from a younger child? Have you found yourself having to give more supervision, more support, more guidance than you thought you'd have to for a child this age?

If so, then you're beginning to see one of the ways in which children who have complex trauma can get stuck in younger stages of emotional dysregulation and lack the skills that many of their peers might have. 

That's the bad news.

But the good news is that when we recognize this, we can change the way we see the child. We can lower our expectations, meet them where they are at, and provide the kind of support and co-regulation that begins to close the gap between their chronological age and their developmental age. This is one example of the "healing" we can offer offer our children as safe, regulated, and connected adults. 

Episode References:

Connected Child Book-Chapter 3, page 35: https://www.amazon.com/Connected-Child-healing-adoptive-family/dp/0071475001 

Life After Placement: For Foster Families: https://therestorenetwork.podbean.com/e/life-after-placement-foster-families/