Calming Fear with Felt Safety

As we continue to grow in our understanding of the youth we all interact with in foster care, fear has to be a big part of that conversation. Our youth have experienced lifestyles of scarcity and caregivers who were often abusive. Their nervous systems got a lot of experience in the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses but not a lot of time experiencing calm, regulation, and safety. Because of this, they can often continue to display fear based behaviors in our homes or childcare settings. You might see....

Hypervigilance-asking lots of questions and always looking over their shoulder, unable to settle.

Behaviors that come on suddenly when it gets dark out or you mention it's close to bedtime.

Separation anxieties.

Eating food in hiding and storing the wrappers in strange places.

Running away.

....and so much more.

"Fear bullies our children to misbehavior."-The Connected Child book

But we can help them overcome their fears by being people and setting up environments where they experience felt safety. We can do so by being predictable caregivers-watching our tone, volume and posture and following through on promises. We can provide them with increased structure or rhythms for their days, full of transition cues and rituals. We can overcommunicate when things change or when they'll have new experiences. We can offer them choices so they'll feel in control over these little areas of the life--since so much of their life has felt so out of control. We can help calm the fear response with felt-safety.

 

Episodes references:

The Connected Child-Chapter 4: https://www.amazon.com/Connected-Child-healing-adoptive-family/dp/0071475001 

TBRI Animate: Toxic Stress & the Brain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTcFTpGve4g 

Fear & Felt Safety Training Module (training credits offered): https://therestorenetwork.thinkific.com/courses/feltsafety 

"Chasing the Why" podcast episode: https://therestorenetwork.podbean.com/e/understanding-unusual-or-challenging-behaviors-by-chasing-the-why/ 

Choices & Compromises resource: https://therestorenetwork.org/choices-compromises/ 

Magnet Schedule: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01B3GQNP0?linkCode=ssc&tag=onamzther00e8-20&creativeASIN=B01B3GQNP0&asc_item-id=amzn1.ideas.19KHSZORJX6MW&ref_=aip_sf_list_spv_ofs_mixed_d_asin 

Timer: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WFDZ72L?linkCode=ssc&tag=onamzther00e8-20&creativeASIN=B07WFDZ72L&asc_item-id=amzn1.ideas.19KHSZORJX6MW&ref_=aip_sf_list_spv_ofs_mixed_d_asin